Saturday, May 23, 2009 7:40 AM
i'm confused
WOW!!!! My blog is like seriously dead, and people are bugging to update. Guess I've been really busy with studies. Then again, I didn't really study. Yes I do have the books and notes in front of me but I just can't understand a thing of what's on the paper. For some reason I still assume that I'm dumb and gave up halfway. The thing is I don't run off and do something like on-ing the computer or watch television. Guess what will i end up doing... STONEI really can't understand why, but that's just it. Every time i take out something to revise on, i would just stare at the paper, and my mind is blank. Its like your eyes are looking at things, but your mind can't process it so you'll just see BLANK.TodayFrisbee training started this morning. Even my knees aren't at all fit to run but i kind of have no choice. It still hurt even when I'm walking. So whats the difference if i run. Anyway maybe in future I'm not able to do what i love most. Haiz..I really don't know what I'm doing now. And now my mood is kind of becoming more extreme. In a way like when something is making me sad, i don't feel it. I just know that I'm suppose to be sad and I'll just behave like I'm sad. But in actual fact I don't feel anything inside. It is like action with no thought at all. Now I feel like I'm some programmed robot.This morning wasn't a very pleasant one. Maybe I'm just not a nice person at all. Things do get the better of me.Furthermore, I am going through everyday depending on my own strength. There I go again! It really annoys me and i can't stop doing it. It is like something i do unknowingly. Haven't been reading the bible for quite a long while. Can't have any excuses to say that I'm busy or what so ever. I always forget, like why isn't it bothering me that I'm not reading the bible and doing quiet time!!! I just guess that I am really weak. REALLY REALLY WEAK!I'm so limited. Having a boundary of everything that I'm able to overcome, and yet i still depend on myself. STUPID ME!! Isn't it easier to reply on someone stronger who have control over all things? I guess the thing that i wrote above is just scolding myself.
FOODTomorrow is Vivian's birthday. Happy Birthday to you!!!Celebrated her birthday today at the BREEKS. The food that they serve is really nice. It has been a while since i ate nice western food. I had something like baked rice with chicken cutlets and curry. Weird combination huh... But it taste GOOD... The lasagne's is like even better then the one at pizza's hut.(of all the lasagne's i ate like from 3 places i prefer pizza's hut). Vivian had salmon on hot plate. For once i did not eat salmon that is over cooked. So happy! I sort of realised that Wilson have lame jokes up his sleeves. HahaTimothy, Petra and Daniel were there too. But I can't remember what they ate. Oops. XDNow this part of the day is nice and funny. HahaB! There's many reason why i would actually not talk to you straight after training ended. I was really tired, didn't have much sleep. Kind of waited for you to call the whole night yesterday. kind of decided to go online to see whether you're there. hesitated for awhile and finally nudged you. after asking what you're doing, the whole conversation was practically about your friend. Yes, she needs comforting but will a little msg saying you're not going to call ,hurt? and guess what, you only msg me after midnight. never once when you're talking me, you're that awake until so late. even at times my brother could tell how sad i was yet you didn't say a word. don't you care anymore? even worse when you heard how i replied you, you couldn't even tell. my eyes were so puffy that you couldn't even tell that i cried. i even told you didn't sleep till its 2.30. i guess thats the result of being jealous. maybe i shouldnt care about such stuff anymore
My God is enough♥